Here i am shut myself out from the world. maybe i’m being too sensitive or having a low self-esteem, but seriously i’m tired being like this. i just wanna hang out with new friends but i don’t think i can be that person again. mingling is a hard things to do. i hate having pointless conversation, people love to talk about themselves and listening to their bullshit just disgust me. i mean, whats the point of having a fake profile just to catch yourself in lie? if you knew me enough, you’ll realize that i’m a chatty person. but now, i tend to be seen as a quiet person and bit of a loner, not exactly a charismatic role, but a far from the mind-fucked weirdo. that’s how poorly i’ve fitted into new society. i don’t want to feel alone…but sadly, i do. i feel very down on myself.
WHY AM I BEING LIKE THIS?? i am surrounded by friends and family, yet i feel alone. i could really use some new friends. a friend to watch a movie with me or go out for a liquor or anything. i do have friends, but all my friends is busy with their work and life. boyfriend? nothing is wrong with him, i just need new people in my life. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
(LOL, i sound very hopeless) (STFU!)
So my blog was hacked apparently. i had that problem where whenever i went to my blogs url, i was redirected to some bogus youlovethispage website. i ended up having to change my theme. if anyone encounters this problem, i know how to fix it :(
(1). Why have I never dreamt of you in my sleep? Perhaps it’s because you’re too gorgeous to be seen in a dream. Or perhaps, I just need to think of you more often. Or … hey, listen to this (!): the most possible reason is that God prevents me from dreaming of you, because God knows, once I dreamed about you, I would never want to wake up again…
(2). On a night like this, I just love to think of you. It warmth my soul … just by knowing that you’re breathing the same air somewhere out there. I love to go out at night and glancing at the stars that are twinkling adorably. It’s sad that my lovely star is out of sight. It’s too far to be seen. You’re so lucky, for you can see my lovely star everytime you’re standing in front of a mirror! ;p
(3). Have you ever felt like your life is too hectic and your head is too noisy, and everyone seems too busy? Why, the world have become a better place for me because as things went too hectic, too noisy, or too busy, I always have a silent place inside of me, a sanctuary. Deep down inside my heart, there’s this feeling … a kind of lonely feeling that comforts me instead of making me feel low. A silent place where I could find myself who’s loving you. Just us, as I always love it.
(4). Alone, I’m dreaming of those days we’ll spend together … With you by my side, it would be impossible for me to dream of anything else; because I would never want to sleep again. The moment would be too precious, I wouldn’t want to close my eyes. I’d be too afraid that if I closed my eyes, the next time I opened it, the moment has gone. Miss you!
Mengenai kepergian itu, sebenarnya nggak terlalu penting ke mana tujuannya. Yang jadi berarti justru perjalanannya.
Mau pakai koper atau ransel, tinggal di hotel bintang lima atau di Betel Box yang sekamar berlima, yang penting kamu ada.
Aku nggak perlu juga perjalanan yang terjadwal rapi. Atau kunjungan wisata ke sana sini. Buatku setiap detik bersama kamu adalah perjalanan itu sendiri. Perjalanan hati, yang bisa berakhir di pinggir sawah pagi hari atau di warung kopi, bisa juga di sebuah bar lewat tengah malam atau sekadar foto-foto di rumah makan.
Saat-saat kita mungkin menyenangkan, mungkin menyebalkan, mungkin menyedihkan. Tapi yang pasti: mengesankan. Karena yang aku cari bukan bahagia, tapi kenangan buat disimpan.
Perjalanan itu juga akan ringan. Soalnya aku nggak perlu bawa-bawa laptop buat nulis soal kamu. Nggak perlu pensil. Nggak perlu buku catatan kecil. Yang perlu aku lakukan cuma mandangin kamu–seperti selalu. Terus semua kata-kata paling indah di dunia berlompatan dalam kepalaku.
Apa? Aku pujangga? Aku bilang, pujangga hanya memantulkan keindahan yang ada di hadapannya lewat kata-kata. Terus aku tatap kamu tepat di mata: “Jadi, aku cuma bisa ada kalau kamu ada.”
Tanggal 5 Bulan 5. Alhamdulillah list, urutannya random aja yes :”D
1. Alhamdulillah Mama, Ayah, Aku & Adik-adik sehat. 2. Alhamdulillah bulan ini adalah bulan terakhir menyelesaikan semester 2 di strata2. 3. Alhamdulillah masih dikasih umur buat ngerayain ulang tahun Galih. 4. Alhamdulillah kosan udah ada internet yang kenceng dan tv cable. 5. Alhamdulillah tambah temen terus-terus dan terus #sanguinis. 6. Alhamdulillah TA sudah dimulai, walaupun transformasi masih gagal sampai sekarang #huwawa 7. Alhamdulillah di tahun ini ulang tahun aku “berwarna” sekali [ehem]. 8. Alhamdulillah trolling tooth rahang kiri sudah dioperasi. 9. Alhamdulillah punya tabungan hasil usaha sendiri. 10. Alhamdulillah ada twitter. So nunggu orang, nunggu angkot, nunggu di halte bus jadi nggak membosankan lagi.
11. Alhamdulillah main bareng temenku dan temenmu [27 - gosted] 12. Alhamdulillah adek yang paling diterima snmptn jalur undangan. 13. Alhamdulillah anak mama dan ayah diterima snmptn semua di perguruan tinggi negeri. #cihuy
For The Better So many times have I met people who are very surprised to see me after such a long time, and they start talking about how I was so much skinnier and unattractive back then, and that they see that I have at least taken better care of myself today. But they don’t stop there. They keep on talking about the old days, and emphasize on “oh you should have seen her back then”, as if my present does not entertain them as much. Why do we keep referring to the past, if what matters is “today” and how we have progressed? I am not ashamed of my past, of how I looked, of how much weirder I was back then. But do we really need to keep rewinding? Everyone grows!
Every human being goes through phases of not looking that good, looking better, gaining weight, losing weight, having pimples, gotten rid of pimples, ugly hair, better hair, was lame, now cooler. Well some people are just very lucky that they’ve always been the pretty ones and remained the same. But hey, not everyone is that lucky! We all grow, and it’s all normal. But I notice that some people enjoy more on highlighting the less-good moments of someone, as if it’s just a better story to tell and share. Remembering our own past can be useful to remind ourselves of how far we’ve progressed in life, but pointing out the less-exciting past of other people continuously out of, I dunno, jealousy (?), really makes you look like you’re living in the past and not wanting to move on. Or that you’re stuck and not progressing yourself so you feel the need to take down someone else so that you feel better. We. All. (Should). Change. For the better… :)